Learning to Live Outside Your Skin

Every year I choose to do only what’s expected and what I KNOW I can do, is another year I’ve wasted – it’s another year that passes without testing my limits or the boundaries of my comfort zone.

But, the only way to truly understand what I can do, and achieve my dreams, is to test my limits. I don’t want to just achieve my goals, but my dreams as well. I dream about:

  • Publish nonfiction books
  • Write a (small) collection of Christian-based books
  • Create a nationwide support system for single moms
  • Go down in a shark cage
  • Travel to Bora Bora
  • Ride a motorcycle across country
  • Go on a cattle drive

I’m afraid of scuba diving, so the shark tank is a real stretch!

The only way to achieve some of these dreams is to boost my income by ALOT. Bora Bora is definitely not cheap. In order to make these happen I have to step outside myself and do things I haven’t done yet.

Because, if I continue to do the same things, I can expect the same results.

I don’t want the same results. I’ve enjoyed the results I’ve experienced so far – but I know that there is more to me than what I’ve done so far. And there is more to you!

When you want to make a change in life and experience different results, of course you have to DO different things. You HAVE to learn to step outside your comfort zone, or outside you skin, and get it done.

The wonderful thing about being human is that we were made in the image of God. He made us. He gave us abilities, desires, and drive.  What we do with those things is completely up to us. In other words, . . .

We have free will.

The challenge with free will is that you don’t have to stretch it. You don’t have to do the difficult things. You can put your head down and work and work every day. But, one day you’ll look up and wonder how in the WORLD you got there. And, you’ll wonder if you could have gotten anywhere else if you had done things differently.

The blessing about free will is that you will get somewhere else if you do things differently. This is your chance to experience different results this year than you experienced last year.

An example is the #MeToo campaign that went viral in October 2017 after actress Alyssa Milano encouraged women to tweet the hashtag used by activist Tarana Burke if they had been sexually harassed or assaulted. Milano had suffered under the misconduct and assault of Harvey Weinstein of the studio that carried his name.

Milano stepped outside a comfort zone inhabited by women for centuries at the hand of abusive men and suddenly, after the first domino fell, more women followed suit. Men from around the world were outed for their abusive behavior that had been accepted as socially appropriate for years.

Some men were appalled by the extent of the problem. But, more were not. More men understand that the extent of the problem goes far beyond what’s been reported thus far and are hoping that no one speaks out against them.

Men in positions of power have always had the greatest ability to subjugate women, and many like Moira Donegan have lost their jobs when trying to warn women of the men they should steer clear of.

At no time in history has it been more obvious than now that it’s time for women to step outside their comfort zone and speak up – whether it is FOR or AGAINST.

And before you can take the second, third or fourth step, you must first take the first step.

Having the courage to skydive doesn’t start at the door of the plane, although you can turn back at any point until then, but it starts when you sign up for the classes, pay for the lesson, get hooked into the harness, go up in the plane and stand at the door of the plane, ready to take that last step.

Why you choose to speak up, do something differently, live outside your skin – then you are choosing to make the world a different place. It starts in your corner of the world, and like ripples in a pond – your choices have an effect on other people.

The choices you make at home have an effect on your children, and the way they raise their children.  However, it’s also important to remember that the choices you make are filtered through your children’s own lens or perspective. For instance, my mom, her sister and her brother were all raised by the same parents. The choices her parents made were based on their beliefs and abilities.

As they aged, each of the three children interpreted the information differently and became much different people. My aunt was open minded and loved to talk about sex, while my mom was unable to even say the word “sex.” And the differences continued.

The point being, each decision you make at home will have an impact on your children and on their children – like the ripples in a pond. The effect of those decisions become less powerful the further from the source they travel, but there continues to be an effect.

It is important that you learn to live outside of your comfort zone and make choices that change your future, but it’s also important that you filter those choices. Ask yourself:

  • Do you mean what you’re saying or will you change your mind later?
  • Are you moving in a positive direction for yourself and your family?
  • Can you defend your actions or choices?
  • Are you making changes or choices from the backbone of love?


Be able to answer “yes” to each of these questions and THRIVE!


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