Power is something many people seek, even before wealth since in many cases wealth will follow power. Having power in a relationship may increase your confidence and just make you feel powerful. And, while this can be a heady feeling, it may not produce the results you want.
For instance, in many cases abusive men are driven by their insecurity and lack of power in the rest of the world – or their perceived lack of power. Men who are abusive come in all shapes and sizes, but one of the underlying commonalities is how good they feel when they have power over another individual.
In this case, what the abuser is exhibiting isn’t actual power but rather a perversion of power. For instance, the pharisees were driven by their fear of Christ to have him crucified, believing His death would give them back the power they had with the Jewish people. What they did was a perversion of power.
Real power comes from inside YOU. It comes from a knowledge that YOU are capable, able and powerful and not from what you believe you can exert over others.
Body language is one of the ways that people who are truly powerful communicate their power and confidence.
If you consider the animal world, there are many male fights that are averted when one male is obviously more powerful than the other and exhibits recognizable signs indicating the other animal would not win the fight. That is power the other animal understands through body language.
Sometimes you may not FEEL powerful but can still show signs of power and then, by experiencing the results of power you eventually believe yourself to have that power.
In other cases you might accept the power given to your by others.
But the best kind of power is the kind that comes from your security in who you are, where you’re going and how much power you actually need or don’t need to succeed.
Let’s start with acting as if you have the power in order to control a conversation and end with understanding where your power comes from and how to tap into an unending source.
Having and enjoying the results of power in a conversation begins and ends with body language. But, although you may exhibit the body signs, you have to BELIEVE them in order that others perceive you to be powerful.
People in control are not afraid of looking another person in the eye and holding eye contact. Of course, holding contact for long periods of time may make the other person uncomfortable, which is NOT the emotion you’re trying to arouse in someone who’s interviewing you for a job! On the other hand, consistently averting your eyes when looked at is a sign you aren’t sure of what you’re saying, how you’re feeling and even that you just want to get the heck out of Dodge.
The trick is to use eye contact appropriately without staring down an opponent or looking like a scared rabbit. There’s a middle ground where you will look, act and BE powerful in your demeanor and your attitude.
Think about it – anytime you have a conversation there will be an alpha (most powerful) and a beta (second in command). Even having a conversation with the barista behind the counter, one of you has more power. This line of power can fluctuate between two people when both have similar levels of power.
The next time you’re talking with someone, start to notice the natural give and take between your eye contact. If you’re the one constantly looking down, then you’re the submissive one. It is certainly good to know how to be and look humble, but it is perfectly acceptable to also be powerful. As a woman, you’ve likely been told – either in words or body language! – that power is not acceptable. There are some women who gracefully take on the mantle of power gracefully and others who stomp through life as if they are owed everything by everyone.
Examples? Oprah, likely one of – or maybe THE – most powerful woman alive today, is graceful in her power. Have you ever seen “The Devil Wears Prada”? The film was written for a former personal assistant of Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine, portraying Wintour as a tough, demanding, short-tempered, easily angered executive who wielded power in the fashion industry and who scared most who met her.
Two women, two different styles but with one thing in common – immense power.
When I was in high school I had a sweet friend who was “soft spoken.” At least that’s what it was called in those days. It was difficult to hear her speak, even when she was angry. She didn’t PROJECT her voice and it never got above a whisper.
Definitely NOT the way to project power.
On the other hand, I was just at the doctor’s office with my oldest son the other day. I could hear the doctor speaking in the hallway – normal tone, easy voice. The minute he came in the room he was practically yelling – all in an effort to gain power in the relationship. It was interesting since he was tall, the doctor and obviously the one in control in the room by default. But, he gave that up when he started acting like he’d lost his power.
Your voice can project power or you can completely lose the battle before it even starts when you are whispering or yelling.
Power comes from a strong voice that isn’t yelling or whispering. Instead, you goal is to project your voice to the back of the room without deafening the person directly in front of you. It can be done! The power in your voice comes from within your chest and the back of your throat. And it comes when you believe that what you’re saying is true, right and must be said.
Even conversations about the smallest things – like saying hello or offering help to someone in a parking lot. If you believe what you’re saying, you are paying attention and present during the conversation and you believe what you’re saying is right – you’ll speak with confidence and power. But, the moment someone asks a question you don’t have the answer to, or challenges what you’re saying, it may cause a meltdown.
Unless your power comes from deeper within you and not JUST your voice.
Powerful people lead a conversation and it’s done naturally – NOT by overpowering the other person. Start the conversation with a positive statement to relay information you want. But don’t interrupt the other person or try to take over the conversation.
Power also comes with patience, quietness and submission. When you’re around people who are bullies, you won’t get the upper hand because they never relinquish it. However, you remain more powerful without becoming the bigger, better bully.
Your power may also be communicated well when you have expertise and passion about the subject matter. Your passion and knowledge of the topic has a way of lighting up your face and engaging others – just another form of power.
The Ultimate Power
Ultimately, your best source of power comes from the ultimate source of power. God will walk through a journey during which you attain and remain as powerful as He wants you to be. Mother Theresa may not have LOOKED powerful, but that tiny woman was held in His hand and wielded more power across the world than you may imagine.